U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
