it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
