ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
