ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
