Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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