The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
