i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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