Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
