i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
