my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
