It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
