I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
