I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
