I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
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You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shame is for Republicans.
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