rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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