Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
