if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
