Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
