Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize