i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
