Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
