she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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