Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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