Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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