Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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