Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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