What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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