Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
