I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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