So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
