my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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