I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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