It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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