I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
