I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
