I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
