Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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