omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
