Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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