your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
