No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
