Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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