I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
