This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
