What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
