my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
