And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
