I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
