Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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