I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
