man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
