What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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