Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
