youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
