I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
