remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
