It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
