My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
