let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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