i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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