Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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