so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
