3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
