I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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