My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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