I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
