new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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